Apparently My Husband Thinks in Sci-Fi

The husband and I recently watched the movie Precious, and I was traumatized. I wanted to swoop into Harlem and adopt everybody and donate all my worldly possessions to AIDS research. I still do. Shudder.

My infant gets a multitude of endearments bestowed upon her fuzzy little head, and the other day I looked and her and cooed, “Hey, there, Precious.” I straightened and made a face, with visions of Mo’Nique suddenly dancing behind my eyeballs. My husband looked at me and said, “I know, that movie has ruined the word “precious” for me, too.” My heart glowed for a moment as I reflected on how well he knows me.

Then he hunched his shoulders, bent over my precious sweet baby, made a god-awful face, and said, “Come to me, my preeeeeshiousssss.” Like Gollum. From The Lord of the Rings. Which we haven’t watched in like five years.

So I dunno whose head he’s in, but at that moment, it wasn’t mine. But whichever way you paint it? Disturbing.

Looks like “precious” is joining my vocab junk heap, right next to “moist.” Thanks a lot, Hollywood.

How about y’all? Any seemingly innocent words you just can’t tolerate?

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